There's a lot of guilt-tripping when it comes to pregnancy / impending mum-dom and you know what, I point blank refuse to feel guilty about anything now or going forward. This isn't me on the defensive, I just see and hear it a lot aimed at other women and it makes my blood boil for them. Especially those with a much thinner skin than I.
Firstly there's the breastfeeding debate. Following surgery to remove a bloody mahoosive tumour in my early twenties, I have been warned that one boob may not even 'deliver' anyway, but that aside, you know what, if breastfeeding doesn't work out for me or for baby, for ANY reason, then I'll know I've tried and will move on. I refuse to sit around feeling like I have failed them or that I'm a terrible parent. Like everything in life, it's not for everyone. And move on I will.
I caught a debate on the radio recently whereby women were calling in in floods of tears, feeling like the Mother from Hell for 'giving up' on their child. Whilst I don't doubt for one second that "breast is best", I see it like a school sports day - it's not about the winning it's the taking part. I'll give it a ruddy good go but hey ho, if it's a no go, I won't be crying on the radio over spilt (breast) milk!
Then there's the maternity leave debate. I only plan to take months off and following that share the childcare between mum, mother in law and nursery. And I'm not going to feel guilty about that either. I happen to feel very fortunate that I Iove my job and fought to get back into the media industry having left it years ago. It's my passion, a hobby, I love the people I work with and what we do every day and that doesn't mean I'll love my child any less or that they'll be neglected in any way. They'll have a lovely life and will be loved, fed, watered, with a roof over their head with ruddy John Lewis nursery wallpaper and an entire Mamas and Papas range for God's sake. So no, I don't feel guilty and I refuse to begin to feel guilty. And I know parenting is much more about the time you give to them, more importantly quality time, as opposed to the material things, but they'll still have that in bucket-loads, regardless of busy jobs that we have to fit around them.
I'm not looking forwarding to balancing the two hats, I have to say, and I know for a fact it won't be easy, but it'll all be fine. Parents all over the world do it every single day, not to mention single parents who, quite frankly, I've no idea how! Now THAT'S a juggling act! Hats massively off to you!!! Then there's women in third world countries who have a baby one day and are back off to work the next day, baby in tow, as they work hours on end for what we would consider pennies here. Amazing women who, it appears, have equally amazingly well-behaved children to boot so I actually think they have a lesson to teach us and not the other way around!
It's in supermarkets that I tend to see all the, shall we say, 'sights'. Children that are dragged up, running riot all over the shop, walking around with parents who have no morals or manners to pass on, who are shouted at at a thousand decibels in between a verbal slur of effs and blinds. Kids who look filthy, unwashed and uncared for. That's not me being judgmental. Like Catchphrase, I'm just saying what I see. So, until mine are in the same predicament, then, no, I won't be feeling guilty.
I'm not looking forwarding to balancing the two hats, I have to say, and I know for a fact it won't be easy, but it'll all be fine. Parents all over the world do it every single day, not to mention single parents who, quite frankly, I've no idea how! Now THAT'S a juggling act! Hats massively off to you!!! Then there's women in third world countries who have a baby one day and are back off to work the next day, baby in tow, as they work hours on end for what we would consider pennies here. Amazing women who, it appears, have equally amazingly well-behaved children to boot so I actually think they have a lesson to teach us and not the other way around!
It's in supermarkets that I tend to see all the, shall we say, 'sights'. Children that are dragged up, running riot all over the shop, walking around with parents who have no morals or manners to pass on, who are shouted at at a thousand decibels in between a verbal slur of effs and blinds. Kids who look filthy, unwashed and uncared for. That's not me being judgmental. Like Catchphrase, I'm just saying what I see. So, until mine are in the same predicament, then, no, I won't be feeling guilty.
I read an article the other day about women all over the world and what they pack in their hospital bags before giving birth. A woman in Africa had packed everything into a plastic bag. 'Everything' included a sheet because the hospital, that she had to WALK a mile to I must add, didn't have sheets, or even beds for that matter. The Western women in the article had multiple bags packed complete with tablets (the electrical variety), mobile phones, midwife notes (even a midwife in many parts of the world is a pipe-dream), games, numerous outfits for both mum and baby, magazines and huge amounts of pampering toiletries. I can't say I won't be the same, having already ordered my hospital bag from Accessorize and with varying nightwear options ready hanging. I've even thought about when I should go get my hair, eye-brows and a good old wax done ahead of the day. Now THAT makes me feel guilty!
I think there's too many comparisons made when it comes to babies, and if you happen to have one that doesn't quite behave like another, mums start to wonder what they've done wrong and panic. If every baby was the same, someone would've written a one size fits all baby guide book and invented a miracle cure for sleepless nights by now! I'm sure there are people out there thinking what would I know having not even had a baby yet but I'm just preparing myself for a motherhood mantra to use during moments of complete knackered-ness and bewilderment - that I'm a bloody good mum and have no reasons to feel guilty.
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